I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and this past year has been nothing short of an absolute blessing. In 2018 I made it my goal to truly find myself. When I say find myself I don’t mean find a new hairstyle or “look”, I wanted to discover my worth. For so many years I constantly let others define my self-worth and I took every unkind thing said to heart, but this year I wanted to find out who I am when I am truly myself.

Throughout 2018 everything truly fell into place. January started out strong as I presented my Senior Project with so much pride because for the first time in my life I finally felt like I was enough. Later in the month I was in complete tears at The City Gala as I was honored to be The City of Tracy’s Emerging Youth Leader. I could not believe that my extremely insecure sophomore self with zero self worth grew into someone that people viewed as a “leader”. I reflected on every single low I had to hit to get there and it made me realize that it really isn’t about where you are it’s about how far you’ve come.

Later in the year I had some moments that many people may consider to be “failures”. I will be absolutely honest when I say I felt my heart sink reading dreaded college rejection letters from my dream schools. I told myself that my best wasn’t enough and that because I couldn’t go to the schools I planned on attending I would never accomplish my goals; I let myself believe that I was a failure. The truth is failure can be defined as: First Attempt In Learning. In that aspect I am absolutely a failure and quite honestly I’m so proud of that. I learned and grew more from being told no than I will ever learn from a single yes. Maybe I didn’t have the financial backing to go to the schools I always planned on, but I would never trade where I am at for the world.

When I attended my UNLV orientation they stated that at UNLV you never have to worry about fitting in because everyone stands out. From that moment on I knew God brought me here for a reason and that I would finally be able to find myself. I can truly say that waking up every morning and feeling like I can be my real and honest self while being surrounded by loving and accepting friends is the absolute best feeling in the world. Being in Las Vegas has opened doors of opportunity I never dreamed would be possible. I have been able to attend red carpets, concerts, community events, and even saw former U.S. President Obama speak. Most importantly I made friends that show me unconditional love, support, and created a family for me.

I didn’t understand why God was blessing me with so much support, but now I truly understand why. The truth is God helps us handle everything we are given and coming home from college to find out the most important person in my lives cancer is back was beyond heartbreaking. I questioned everything, felt like I had been stabbed a hundred times, cried and screamed in pain, but what I didn’t realize was the love that was right there in Vegas ready to hold my hand through this. The friends God has brought into my life this past year constantly remind me of my strength and worth. Every low moment or time I was told “no” this past year was truly a gift from God because it was a stepping-stone of strength that I had no idea I needed. Maybe I did end 2018 on an emotional low, but what I also ended with was the village of love God brought into my life. Thank you to my friends and family who have helped carry me into 2019. This year and going back to school won’t be easy, but I don’t need easy, I need possible.

Love Always,

Malorie